I Broke Up With Myself

Habitual questions like "how are you?" and how are you feeling?" are asked many times a day.
We all answer with the, also, habitual 'ho-hums' and good good' replies.
Its part of your daily conversation. Morning, evening, and night.
Every. Single. Day.
Today i wanted to be anal to my own selfhood (if that makes sense)...I wanted to pause on everything i say and seriously interoggate me. Afterall, i should be the best person to judge who i am.
I'm sure i was effin bored when i came to that final thought but hey, i'm filling up the space in my skull.
You see, im sure there's more to "yeah, im good" or "no, im feeling crap" reply.
I mean, how can you sum up your whoooolee character mood to just a good, or a bad instantly?
And does every single person that asks you that question; do they even care to know specifically how you are feeling at that precise moment?
Because each time i was asked that question on the phone today, a second after my reply, the topic changed severely to things like, "so listen, this weekend we need to reserve a table at Amici"....or "this bitch girl is driving me nuts with semi nude pictures on my blackberry." (True story).

With conversation lines like that, i, without a doubt do not think that it would've mattered if i even said i just chopped my fingers off....
Probably i wouldve been asked "fuck! how r u feeling?!"....again.


My whole exaggeration about the simple daily greeting we apparently do not genuinely and literally want to know the answer to, is basically a link to prove that many things we do aren't really meant anymore.
It has become a habit. Some sort of social plague.


I flipped through pictures of myself last night on facebook, and was concerned about how many people i'm madly hugging and kissing.
I can't possibly love all those people.
Then again, it was all in social nocturnal gatherings.
Everyone does that. We love almost every enemy in night clubs. Sober or not.
I'm not saying that i have problems with sharing my love with friends.....but the habit of just posing to be, is what im on about. Especially that we all know you don't really want to 'hug and kiss' all of your 900 friends on your list.


I'm not sure how to end this rant, i can't find a conclusion, or even a reason why i am being so annoying to something normal.


It's like im challenging myself!
And i guess that IS the most difficult challenge in my life and i guess your's too;
Its actually to be YOURSELF truly.
To to be oneself in every kind of situation no matter how dull, fun, immense it is. Not to follow psychological routine but rather act upon how you feel all the time at that precise moment.
It takes honesty and comfort of thyself to do so.
More importantly; to be yourself, you need to know yourself. To know *yourself, you must love yourself and to always remember not be detoured by anything from whom you truly are.

Happy Birthday to me :)

*Too many yourself's.

Day One

My country is going through a revolution.
It has been six long, yet fast paced months and nothing has really changed.
Technically it's not my country; my home-town is in Asia and at this moment I'm in Africa...but somehow when you live long enough in a place, you make it feel like home.
I love Egypt, there's something about the people, a love-hate relationship is automatically established once you land in the city. One day your neighbor likes you, the other day they would look you in the eye with a vacant stare that would make you wonder if you're really there in flesh.
Personally, I never know what's going to happen the next day. There is no routine.
I find myself waking up at times to my doorman's daughter singing to God some commercial song and other days  I would look out the window and find her playing with a sheep tied to the garage pole.

Every day, the same person, different story, another face lift.

That's what I think has become of me.
Many facades to one soul, and they all feel like its truly me.

I went to Tahrir square the other day. Everyone was demonstrating, speaking their mind, discussing what they want out of the country's new regulations. After 30 years of mental suppression, the day has come that a simple 'sigh' is heard and acknowledged.
I wanted to be part of the change. I want to be one of the 80 million civilians that helped make matters better.
After I went, and was touched by the positive energy over coming the huge arena that embraced thousands of people.
I went back home and decided that I will invest my time to help be part of a better future.

Next day, I was possessed by a GO-GO dancer in Ibiza and headed to the North Coast.
Stripped down to a slinky dress, stepped into TURQUAZ ( a beach club) and danced to Pitbulls' 50th single of the month. Whilst consuming way too many toxic liquids that evaporated all thoughts of a better future, only leaving me with a momentary extensive ass shaking routine.

Its those things that make me wonder if I'm becoming a scarey lunatic that has no permanent thought, or is it another face lift.

This blog will be a self exploration, documenting irrational speculations and many of the random things I like to talk about.